I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
