Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
