She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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