What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
