No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
