i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
