Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
