do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
