yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
