Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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