I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
