you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
