Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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