oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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