just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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