I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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