Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
