the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
