You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
