dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
