Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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