Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
