so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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