I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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