you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
