I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
