im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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