awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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