Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
