OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
