All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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