OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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