I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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