She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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