he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
