im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
