She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
smell my finger.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
