you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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