Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
