woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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