drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
