I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
