does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
