brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
