Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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