i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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