Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize