Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
