Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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