Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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