I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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