Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
