We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
