Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
