Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
