Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
