You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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