Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
