There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
