Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
