Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
