So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Randomize