You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
