alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
