Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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