Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
