i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
