dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Still dying that you shit outside
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
