he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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