Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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