If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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