This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
