There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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