just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
