just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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