I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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