my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
