Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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