I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
