I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
