Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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