I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
